Sep 3, 2005
In the 1930’s before the advent of Playstation 2 and the like, we children turned to Nature for our entertainment. From time to time we would find a young magpie which had fallen from its nest, or been turfed out of it, and we would take it home and nurse it to death in the hopes that we could teach it to talk. There were always rumours of magpies that had been taught to be more or less fluent. McGregors were said to have such a one, though it never said anything but WARK WARK! in my presence. It was said that you had to split their tongues. That was the secret of it.
Anyway we would put our pet magpie in a shoe box in the hot water cupboard, and try to feed it with water and chopped up worms but it never made any progress, just sat there bleary eyed and motionless until it ultimately died, without uttering a word. Nevertheless we remained convinced that next time…
When Morrie Roche was a reporter on the Dominion he was in fact sent to interview a Miss Trimble over at Eastbourne who had a talking magpie with at least a local reputation. Its vocabulary was not extensive, but it could say “Pretty Joey” and “hullo!” and a series which could be variously interpreted as “Cup of tea” or “Look at me!” or “What a scream!” depending on what its owner happened to be thinking about at the time. Miss Trimble believed it could understand pretty well everything she said to it.
She invited Morrie in, and the magpie participated in the interview, to the extent of walking about and pecking at the ferules of Morrie’s shoe laces while he cross examined Miss Trimble about its origins, its training and its speech capabilities.
Miss Trimble felt its behaviour was somewhat ill mannered and presumptuous, and called on it to leave Morrie’s laces alone. “Joey!” she said. “Come away and leave the gentleman alone!”
Joey backed off for a few moments, perhaps thinking he was being called to food, but soon returned and began pecking again.
“Joey!” she said, even more firmly. “Come away. I won’t speak to you again! ”
Again Joey obeyed , but only for a moment, before returning for a third go at the laces. Miss Trimble had had enough. “Joey!” she cried, “Come away from there or I’ll cut your head off.”
The magpie took no notice. “Excuse me.” said Miss Trimble, and getting out of her chair, she picked up the bird and took it outside, where Morrie was horrified to hear the sound of an axe striking into a chopping block. Miss Trimble returned and sat down with a sigh ready to continue with the interview. Morrie, however, felt it had lost its relevance, although he thought he understood Miss Trimble’s training methods. After all, if you are not prepared to carry through with a threat, the pupil will never learn, will it?